The reason that I called Part I of this article “How to Have an Affair with Your Husband,” is because that is one great solution to keep passion alive. Keep in mind this works for husbands as well as wives, but in this example I am using men.
Look at your relationship through the eyes of a “mistress.” What would they do if they were trying to impress your husband? How would they get his attention and what would they do to keep it? When you figure that out, begin to do it. Your husband will be so amazed and thrilled that the results could be earth shattering.
The 35 Tips for Creating the Perfect “Affair” with Your Spouse:
1. Find out what you spouse values. Is it your time, your attention, your validation, your respect, your service, or your physical attention.
2. Be sure to give them what they need, NOT what you would like to receive.
3. Most men value physical touch. Men need to have physical interaction with their wife on a regular basis. Not just interaction but passionate and enthusiastic interaction. That would seal the deal.
4. It is amazing what men will overlook if you take care of this aspect of your marriage.
5. Don’t feel self conscious about your body. Love who you are, be confident in yourself and love your husband passionately. That is what he wants more than a perfect body.
6. Respect yourself and the boundaries of your marriage. Don’t put yourself in situations that could lead to difficult temptations. Listen to you gut and do the best thing for you and honor your marriage.
7. Honesty and trust are two of the most valuable assets a marriage can have. Trust your husband and don’t give him reasons to not trust you. Be honest with how you feel and what you do.
8. Men need to feel wanted, loved, sexy and respected. Find ways to make your husband feel this way.
9. Validate and affirm your husband daily. Let him know, in whatever way he responds to, that you appreciate what he does and that is doing a good job.
10. Write down all the things that attracted you to you husband, all the things he does well. Read it regularly. Write down what you don’t like about your husband. Throw it away. If you start focusing on what you do like, instead of what you don’t, you will begin to get more of what you like.
11. Take care of yourself. Basic things like good grooming, exercise, good nutrition and caring for your skin and hair.
12. Men respond to the visual, give them something to think about. You don’t have to be skinny, you don’t have to be beautiful, just do the best you can with what you have and he will love it and you for it.
13. Invest in yourself. Have hobbies and outside interests, but not at the expense of time with your husband. Having things you love to do, makes you more interesting and a more equal partner. If your life is just about your husband and kids, it is time to develop some things that are just for you. Independence is very sexy.
14. Allow and encourage your husband to pursue hobbies and outside interests, but not at the expense of time with your family. Be supportive and not clinging when he engages in positive hobbies.
15. Don’t put up with being taken advantage of. At the moment you start to feel there is an imbalance, address it. Don’t let it fester and become a deal breaking issue.
16. Don’t nag or complain. He heard you the first hundred times. Ask yourself why this is still an issue and discuss possible solutions with him. If you have several issues that need addressed, make a list and be playful about expressing what you need done. Maybe even offer some incentives… If it does not get done, call a professional and give him the bill. He will soon get the message.
17. Call him or text him with provocative messages. Don’t stalk him, just remind him you are thinking of him in a provocative way.
18. Text him a suggestive photo of you. Note I said suggestive, not x-rated. You want to have him imagine coming home to you, not take care of things himself. Leave much to the imagination, don’t send anything you might regret later.
19. Meet him at an unusual time of day for some physical attention.
20. Look for ways to be passionate in unexpected places and times.
21. Have special signals that you can use in front of people that signal him what you are thinking of.
22. Sneak away together whenever possible to show affection for each other.
23. Write secrets notes to each other and put them in a pocket, lunch or car.
24. Surprise him with a special lunch or meal that is unexpected.
25. Plan a secret getaway, even if it is very short.
26. Wear sexy nightclothes versus the sweats and comfies, show him you care what he sees.
27. Purchase sexy underwear and be sure only he knows you have it on.
28. Tease him and deliver on it.
29. Treat each physical encounter as if it was your chance to make an impression on him.
30. Treat him to a massage regularly, especially hands and feet. This can be very sensual even when around others. Buy some warming massage lotion for more intimate encounters.
31. Spice things up. Keep menthol cough drops by the bed. They create a cooling sensation on the skin you touch with your mouth.
32. Go out on dates, where you fix up and can act like a dating couple.
33. Always smell good. Even before bed, spray a little on you and a little on the sheets. Don’t overlook the power of scent to create a passionate feeling. Maybe, buy him some good stuff too!
34. Take care of your skin. Exfoliate, use lotion and even self-tanner. You will feel better about how you look and it will show in how you respond.
35. And finally, look for ways to enjoy your time together. Make each moment memorable, even when it seems routine. Turn the spark into a flame and keep the fuel at the ready.
Marriage is a special bond that you share, but it requires commitment and energy if you want your investment to stand the test of time. Your partner knows more about you than anyone else. They have seen your flaws and love you anyway.
Think twice before you put that in jeopardy over an unknown, and often temporary, thrill. Invest in your spouse and you will reap the dividends all of your life. As well as setting a wonderful example for the generations to follow.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
How to Have an Affair with Your Husband-Building a Marriage that Lasts
To keep a marriage strong through the years, it requires constant attention. If you begin to let the responsibilities of life overwhelm you, you will forget why it was that you fell in love with your spouse in the first place.
This is when a spouse may begin to seek that spark from someone else, someone who sees what you used to see in them. Over time, a relationship can become stale as each trial and mundane responsibility begins to squeeze the passion from it.
Each person has a need for passion, a need for validation, acceptance and love. Although the level of need may be different, the need is always present. When those needs are intense and not being met in a persons current situation it can lead people to violate their personal values in order to meet that need.
This again goes back to level of need. Those who do not experience an intense need will have challenges understanding why someone else does. We all have areas of life that we experience intense need, however they are not the same for each person. That is why it is often easier to judge the behavior of others.
Because it would not be a problem for us, we judge others who struggle. When in reality there are areas we all struggle in, some are just more visible than others such as addictions, overeating or finance control. Many others are more hidden.
Do you know what your spouse considers an intense need? Do you know what you consider an intense need? Knowing these answers can help you to develop a stronger marriage. Most often when you give your spouse what they need, you are more likely to get what you need.
Deny your spouse an intense need for long enough, and their will be a breakdown in the relationship. This is why you need to do some self-discovery and pay attention to what your partner considers important.
Consider an affair. Why do they happen? Most often, a basic intense need is not being met by the spouse, for a prolonged time, and this leads the other spouse to seek a way to fulfill it. This is where we can see otherwise upstanding people, violate their personal values in order to meet an unfulfilled need.
I make no excuse for bad behavior, because there is always a point where an intervention could have taken place. It is one thing for a need to go unmet, but another to act on it outside the marriage. At the first sign of disharmony there needs to be a recommitment to understand each other and how, as a couple, you can better meet the needs of your spouse.
When this does not happen, we see very dire consequences. Of course, not all situations happen because of this, but a majority do. There is a percentage of people who, because of something that happened to them, are unable to function appropriately in a marriage relationship. That is an entirely different situation. What I am touching on is what I see happening to so many, once passionate, relationships.
Life enters and the fire goes out. Marriage is much like a fire, it takes constant tending or the flames can go out. You have to monitor the fire and if the coals start to burn down, you must throw another log on the fire. Without this attention, the fire will burn out. All fires need fuel to burn. Stop adding fuel to your marriage, and the same will happen to it.
The typical situation happens when a young couple start to develop a life together. They go from a fun dating couple with tons of passion and heat, to homeowners with bills, jobs and responsibilities. This adds a whole new dimension to the carefree time they had before.
Then to top it off, many start to have children. Children are a blessing, but they are also the biggest fire extinguishers you can create. Nothing saps romance more than a crying baby, fussy toddler or a disrespectful teenager.
Times like that call for an even stronger marriage to support the stress being put on each individual. Unfortunately what often happens is that this stress breaks the marriage. Couples stop trying to please each other and start complaining about their own needs not being met.
This huge disruption can cause a major division in the marriage. “Poor Me Syndrome” leads to feelings of not being loved, valued, accepted, or wanted. When each person turns inward the couple will grow apart.
To stop this from happening couples must be aware of the common stresses that will happen during marriage. Things like bills, money problems, family issues, children and mundane duties. You need to realize your breaking points and regroup before too much damage is done.
The solution is to reconnect with your partner and begin to find out what they really need. Then give it to them. You can’t make them give you what you need, you can only control you own actions. But when these things are given lovingly and enthusiastically, most often the receiving spouse will feel compelled to meet the others needs out of sheer gratitude.
Once again, please note I am talking about otherwise healthy loving relationships that have just lost their spark, not abusive or highly dysfunctional ones. That requires much more in depth counsel than I am touching on.
The reason that I called this article “How to Have an Affair with Your Husband,” is because that is one great solution to keep passion alive. Keep in mind this works for husbands as well as wives, but in this example I am using men. Look at your relationship through the eyes of a “mistress.”
What would they do if they were trying to impress your husband? How would they get his attention and what would they do to keep it? When you figure that out, begin to do it. Your husband will be so amazed and thrilled that the results could be earth shattering. In Part II I will share: “The 35 Tips for Creating the Perfect “Affair” with Your Spouse.”
This is when a spouse may begin to seek that spark from someone else, someone who sees what you used to see in them. Over time, a relationship can become stale as each trial and mundane responsibility begins to squeeze the passion from it.
Each person has a need for passion, a need for validation, acceptance and love. Although the level of need may be different, the need is always present. When those needs are intense and not being met in a persons current situation it can lead people to violate their personal values in order to meet that need.
This again goes back to level of need. Those who do not experience an intense need will have challenges understanding why someone else does. We all have areas of life that we experience intense need, however they are not the same for each person. That is why it is often easier to judge the behavior of others.
Because it would not be a problem for us, we judge others who struggle. When in reality there are areas we all struggle in, some are just more visible than others such as addictions, overeating or finance control. Many others are more hidden.
Do you know what your spouse considers an intense need? Do you know what you consider an intense need? Knowing these answers can help you to develop a stronger marriage. Most often when you give your spouse what they need, you are more likely to get what you need.
Deny your spouse an intense need for long enough, and their will be a breakdown in the relationship. This is why you need to do some self-discovery and pay attention to what your partner considers important.
Consider an affair. Why do they happen? Most often, a basic intense need is not being met by the spouse, for a prolonged time, and this leads the other spouse to seek a way to fulfill it. This is where we can see otherwise upstanding people, violate their personal values in order to meet an unfulfilled need.
I make no excuse for bad behavior, because there is always a point where an intervention could have taken place. It is one thing for a need to go unmet, but another to act on it outside the marriage. At the first sign of disharmony there needs to be a recommitment to understand each other and how, as a couple, you can better meet the needs of your spouse.
When this does not happen, we see very dire consequences. Of course, not all situations happen because of this, but a majority do. There is a percentage of people who, because of something that happened to them, are unable to function appropriately in a marriage relationship. That is an entirely different situation. What I am touching on is what I see happening to so many, once passionate, relationships.
Life enters and the fire goes out. Marriage is much like a fire, it takes constant tending or the flames can go out. You have to monitor the fire and if the coals start to burn down, you must throw another log on the fire. Without this attention, the fire will burn out. All fires need fuel to burn. Stop adding fuel to your marriage, and the same will happen to it.
The typical situation happens when a young couple start to develop a life together. They go from a fun dating couple with tons of passion and heat, to homeowners with bills, jobs and responsibilities. This adds a whole new dimension to the carefree time they had before.
Then to top it off, many start to have children. Children are a blessing, but they are also the biggest fire extinguishers you can create. Nothing saps romance more than a crying baby, fussy toddler or a disrespectful teenager.
Times like that call for an even stronger marriage to support the stress being put on each individual. Unfortunately what often happens is that this stress breaks the marriage. Couples stop trying to please each other and start complaining about their own needs not being met.
This huge disruption can cause a major division in the marriage. “Poor Me Syndrome” leads to feelings of not being loved, valued, accepted, or wanted. When each person turns inward the couple will grow apart.
To stop this from happening couples must be aware of the common stresses that will happen during marriage. Things like bills, money problems, family issues, children and mundane duties. You need to realize your breaking points and regroup before too much damage is done.
The solution is to reconnect with your partner and begin to find out what they really need. Then give it to them. You can’t make them give you what you need, you can only control you own actions. But when these things are given lovingly and enthusiastically, most often the receiving spouse will feel compelled to meet the others needs out of sheer gratitude.
Once again, please note I am talking about otherwise healthy loving relationships that have just lost their spark, not abusive or highly dysfunctional ones. That requires much more in depth counsel than I am touching on.
The reason that I called this article “How to Have an Affair with Your Husband,” is because that is one great solution to keep passion alive. Keep in mind this works for husbands as well as wives, but in this example I am using men. Look at your relationship through the eyes of a “mistress.”
What would they do if they were trying to impress your husband? How would they get his attention and what would they do to keep it? When you figure that out, begin to do it. Your husband will be so amazed and thrilled that the results could be earth shattering. In Part II I will share: “The 35 Tips for Creating the Perfect “Affair” with Your Spouse.”
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